This is me being random and far away from the world of crafty goodness.And I'm curious about you.
On Friday I had a procedure done.I knew roughly what I was in for but how we prepare in our minds can often be so far from the actual path you are heading down.Perhaps sometimes thats a good thing-if you over think it and dramatise it then it cannot possibly live up to those imaginings and, once the event is taking place, you find yourself thinking "this is so much easier than I thought!".
Unfortunately sometimes you are not quite on the mark.A little more over dramatising might have done well for me.Next time someones suggest you take the valium TAKE THE DAMN VALIUM.I declined.I have a strong reaction to things and pain or relaxing medication can have me literally lying on the floor.I had two children with no medication and lived like most of us to tell the tale.I have a high pain tolerance.This I said to the nurse who stared at me knowingly.Perhaps it was at that moment she should have got me in a headlock and administered some drugs herself.
After the anisthetic cream had done its job I was taken to the room.Apparently the cream is merely to numb you up for the horse needles.I had about twenty needles inserted.My legs flew up in the air and my hands gripped the bed.It is at this point that I should share something about myself.
I don't do needles.Not in any form.The reason I had drug free births was through no concerns about drugs passing to the unborn baby.It was my fear of the needle I had seen during one of those antenatal classes.
Yes I am one great big coward but comfortingly enough I believe there is actually a term for it.
As more nerve block was inserted I reached out for the gas.Three small breaths.Having only tried it once before, I did as she said.As the doctor inserted another needle I sucked on that gas until there was no suck left in me.Then off course I nearly fell through the table.
After the nurse took the gas from me I had nothing.Paralised with pain and stress the only thing left to try was in my mind.
I have this place in my mind.Its a beach.I started to go there when I was preparing for Henrys birth and it helped enormously during his birth.I have gone there a few times since.It is always the same beach.
There are so many components of the beach you can fixate on.The warmth of the sun on your skin.White sand between your toes as you squelch them in the shallows.The rush of the cool clear water as it washes over your skin.Its a visual and textural feast.Sometimes I stop there.Focus on the gentle waves and warmth.
On friday I took it further.I introduced my children playing on the beach and my husband swimming parallel to the shore.I looked down and I saw large orange and turquoise fish swimming beneath us.The boys laughed and splashed in the shallows and the fish swam between their dancing legs.I brought in a big beautiful whale and we became braver and swam out to greet her.She let the children hang on to her tail as she swam around in a wide circle,dropping them back to us when they had had enough.I concentrated on the green blue of the water and the hills in the distance.The breeze.
I went to that place and I stayed there until it was safe to come back.The doctor said he had tried to ask me a couple of things during the procedure but I couldn't hear him.
" I went to my beach" I replied.He understood.
Its my safe place and taking myself there took the edge off everything.I guess its a type of meditation as I focus on each tiny sensation and visual within that space.
Do you have a "safe place" in your mind? A location or event that draws you in and keeps the worst of whatever you are trying to ignore out?Do you meditate? Is this what I am doing when I go there?
I find it really interesting that we have the capacity to deliberately take ourselves somewhere else.Step by step.It was an amazingly mentally powerful feeling to be able to take it further than before and still remain focused.I lapsed of course a couple of times but I found getting back in was instant.
Our minds can really take us on the most incredible journeys.