For the last four years we have been a part of a family.A small and unique school that offers our children a bilingual education.But it is so much more than that.During a chat with friends tonight ,who are also fellow parents,it was agreed that our children do not function as part of their class or their grade.They function as a school.All the children in Henrys year and up he has known for years and can chat and play with any of them.Of course he is the closest to those he spends five days a week with and ,in a class of currently 13,that is the way you would hope it to be.
Oliver has enjoyed this environment for the last two years and it never occured to me that anything would ever really change.Unfortunately for the children( and us) this year has been really really hard and like so many others around the world this year,we have had to make some changes.By far the hardest has been the decision to leave this lovely little school.We kept putting it off but eventually it was the only decision left to make.The only decision that would allow the boys to do all the other things they want to participate in.The only decision that would remove a constant financial stress hanging over our heads.
But I hate it.I am angry with my husband for not doing better,angry with myself for not doing better,angry with the financial crappy crisis that swept through so many industries,angry at the women who compared my dolls to a brand that pumps dolls out in china (and sells them for half the price) the other week.I am absolutely furious with everything and everyone and its becoming hard to stop.Stress is a monster.
I have just spent the last hour with an hysterically sobbing child.He is angrier than I could ever be.He is confused and frightened and wants to stay where he is.Where he is happy and feels secure.We have three weeks left until the end of the school year and he is dreading it.I have never felt so completely useless and inept.There is nothing I can tell him because there is no good reason,as far as he is concerned,for them both to be moving schools.And to add insult to injury they are only going up the street.So close its cruel.I asked him to be brave and tried to tell him about the things he can do at the new school and all the people he will meet but he wants none of it.He wants to stay in his little nest.One of the things he is most upset about is not learning in his second language.He makes perfect sense.
I know it will be hard but I also feel that it will be ok.Hopefully it will be better than ok and they will have new opportunities.The language will go backwards for Oliver most likely and hopefully stay where it is for Henry but we have to accept that.Accept that ,at this stage, we have failed the hopes we had for their education.Accept that right now,we suck.
Because sometimes life really does.I just feel that its getting a little regular around here.
Sorry for the blah but blah is all I've got right now.